The home of the science fiction & fantasy author G. J. Dunn. Take a look around for my latest posts, news on my publications and anything else that might come to mind.
My novel, Going Fourth is now available for purchase. Just click the cover below!
Enjoy the below story as a reward for finding me!
A Diabolical Plot
“Thank you all for coming,” Author said to the team gathered around the table. “It’s safe to say that if we pull this off, we’ll be millionaires. So, let’s get started.”
He raised his hand to an easel board and flipped the first page, revealing his plan.
“Child of Prophecy,” he said, pointing at the humble young man with thick arms from a hard life pulling the plough at his uncle’s farm where he grew up after his parents died tragically in a fire of unknown yet suspicious origin. “It starts with you. You’re going to be found at your uncle’s farm by…”
Author swung his finger around dramatically to point at the old man with silver hair that hung down to his waist, who had a distant look in his eye from a tragic past in which he fought in THE WAR and lost his wife and his children and his children’s pet goldfish. “Wise Mentor.”
“Because of the depression that made you leave the army after THE WAR,” Author continued, “you’ll end up in the backwater a stinking drunk–”
“Sorry, what?” Wise Mentor interjected.
“You’ll be a drunk.”
“I’m tee-total.”
“What?”
“I don’t drink alcohol. Bad for your health.”
Author hesitated, waving his hands. “Can you just pretend? It’s important to the plot.”
Wise Mentor sighed. “Fine.”
“Great.” Author said. “So, you’ll be a stinking drunk until you discover Child of Prophecy. You’ll need to remember the prophecy that was given during THE WAR and link it to Child of Prophecy. Can you do that?”
Wise Mentor snorted. “I rescued Elven Princess from the Cave of Very Nasty Things during THE WAR. This should be easy.”
Author sighed. “Can we please not mention Elven Princess yet, she won’t come in until Act Two.”
Elven Princess huffed prettily.
“Oh, shut it,” Author said. “You’re only here because we need a love interest.” Author took a breath before turning back to the others. “Now, Child of Prophecy, before Wise Mentor discovers you, you’re just hanging around the village with Best Friend Forever and Friend Turned Enemy. After Wise Mentor finds you, he’ll reveal that you’re the Child of Prophecy and tell you your destiny: To use THE THING to defeat Evil Emperor.”
“Sorry,” interjected Evil Emperor, “but I really object to being described as evil.”
“Noted,” replied Author, turning back to his easel. “Then there’ll be some conflict about leaving.” The Author rolled his hand. “Yada, yada, yada… and eventually, you’ll agree to team up, journey to recover THE THING, but find…” Author paused dramatically. “It isn’t there. And that’s the end of act one. Everyone okay so far?”
The group nodded, except for Elven Princess, who sat with her arms crossed, scowling elegantly.
“Right then,” continued Author. “Act Two. Wise Mentor remembers how he rescued Elven Princess from the Cave of Very Nasty Things during THE WAR using THE THING. He remembers taking THE THING from its hiding place and giving it to the elves for safe keeping.”
“Why would I do a thing like that?” Wise Mentor asked.
“Because…” Author fumbled for words, waving his hands emphatically. “Elves.”
“What?” asked Wise Mentor.
“So,” Author bulldozed on, “you’ll decide to go visit the elves to retrieve THE THING. Obviously, this is where Child of Prophecy meets Elven Princess and they fall madly in love, however–“
“Pardon?” Child of Prophecy spoke up.
Author scratched his face. “You’ll fall madly in love?”
“But I don’t like her.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s not my type. Plus I’m only sixteen. How old is she?”
“You can’t ask a woman that,” Elven Princess said, aghast.
“How old?” Child of Prophecy insisted.
Author glanced away, scratching his cheek. “Six hundred and twelve.”
Child of Prophecy pulled a face. “That’s a bit wrong isn’t it?”
“No, no, no. It’s fine!”
“How?”
“Look at her!” Author gestured to Elven Princess who sat beautifully with hair the colour of straw, soft as softest silk, carrying an air of danger due to being trained for centuries in deadly-but-noble-arts that helped her when she fought and almost killed Evil Emperor during THE WAR.
“She’s beautiful! Don’t you want a beautiful Elven Princess?”
“She’s six hundred years older than me! It’s practically child grooming!”
“No, no,” Author replied, raising a hand, “it’s not.”
“How?”
“Because…” Author waved his hands even more emphatically than before. “Elves.”
“Oh, I’ve had enough of this,” Child of Prophecy said, pushing away from the table and standing up. “Come on, BFF, we’ve got some fields to plough.”
“Wait!” Author scrambled around the table, standing between Child of Prophecy and the exit. “We can find you a different love interest! Just sit back down!”
“And what if I don’t want a love interest?”
Author bit his cheek. “Fine. No love interest. Just sit back down.”
Child Of Prophecy resumed his seat and Author let loose a sigh of relief.
“Now,” he said, “where were we?”
“Getting THE THING,” Elven Princess said, glaring at Child of Prophecy.
“Ah!” exclaimed Author. “That’s it. Now, while you’re getting THE THING, the elves decide to train you in deadly-but-noble-arts to help you defeat Evil Emperor.”
“Some of my policies are actually quite liberal,” Evil Emperor said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Author said, waving a hand. “But as you’re training, you meet…” The Author swung the finger once more, landing on a crumpled and hunched figure with long shining hair and wrinkles that spoke of millennia of wisdom and knowledge and joint pain. “Ancient Elf.”
“Ancient Elf,” continued Author, “becomes your mentor in deadly-but-noble-arts, but more than that, he reveals to you–”
“Does anyone else think Ancient Elf looks a lot like Wise Mentor?” Best Friend Forever interrupted.
“Oh, yeah,” Child of Prophecy said, sniggering.
“It’s the hair, I think,” Friend Turned Enemy added.
“Definitely the hair,” Elven Princess agreed.
“We’re totally different!” Ancient Elf and Wise Mentor complained in unison.
The characters around the table broke into a fit of snorting and sniggering. Author stared, hands on hips, until they quieted.
“He reveals to you the person who killed your parents in the first place.”
Author paused dramatically, swinging the finger of doom. “Friend Turned Enemy.”
Friend Turned Enemy’s dark features darkened darkly.
“How would he know that?” he asked.“He wasn’t even there.”
Author opened his mouth to answer.
“Oh, wait, wait, wait!” interrupted Best Friend Forever, screwing up his face in imitation of Author. “Because…” He waved his hands. “Elves!”
The characters started giggling again. Author placed his hands on his hips, but it didn’t quite have the same effect this time. Everyone only laughed harder.
“Don’t you see?” Author shouted over the top of them. “Don’t you understand?”
“Not really, no,” said Ancient Elf.
“This story is a best-seller, it’s an award-winner.” Author cried, brandishing a fist. “This is the one they’ll remember me for.”
“It’s tosh,” said Wise Mentor.
“It’s troped,” said Child of Prophecy.
“It’straditional,” complained Author.
Child of Prophecy shook his head and rose once more.
“Look, I gave you another chance, but I really don’t think this is going to work.”
“Well, that’s because you haven’t got to the end.”
“The end?” Elven Princess asked.
Author nodded. “The big climactic scene where Child of Prophecy fights Evil Emperor and–”
“You do know that the guy you’re calling Evil Emperor was elected, right?” Friend Turned Enemy asked.
“And–” Author paused mid-speech. “What?”
“And introduced that Social Welfare System,” added Best Friend Forever.
“Not to mention the Orc and Goblin Integration Act,” Child of Prophecy said. “He’s done a pretty good job, all told.”
A murmur of agreement made its way around the table.
“Oh,” Evil Emperor said, taken aback. “You know, politicians usually just get blamed for everything? It’s so nice to hear something positive for once. I must say thank you. Can I offer anyone a drink?”
“There’s that pub down the road,” said Wise Mentor, clicking his fingers. “What’s it’s name?”
“The Cliffhanger, wasn’t it?” Elven Princess pointed out.
“That’s the one!”
“Well, let’s head to The Cliffhanger, then,” said Evil Emperor.
As one, the characters rose from the table, chatting away to each other.
“But–” Author began.
“We gave you a chance,” said Friend Turned Enemy.
“Heard you out,” added Best Friend Forever.
“It’s just not a very good story though, is it?” Wise Mentor said, shaking his head.
The group turned and headed for the door.
“No!” Author shouted, “You can’t leave. This is my story!”
“Maybe,” Child of Prophecy replied, “but we have our own stories. And I think we’d prefer to live those ones.”
“No! Come back!” Author shouted after them, dropping to his knees. “You’re my characters! Why can’t you just behave?”
Child of Prophecy paused, turning back. “Well, you created us, didn’t you?” he said. “Why don’t you figure it out?”